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For Chinese, dinner is an important way to get a sense of what a potential business partner is like outside the office and to build trust. A dinner shows people how important and valued they are, and that means a good restaurant with nice décor and great service -- meaning several servers hovering over the table at all times.
Americans often call such long affairs banquets, but to Chinese they're just what's expected. And they take time: A multi-course dinner can last three hours, and may be followed by karaoke or some other entertainment.
In the U.S. these meetings are much shorter and simpler, and dinner generally isn't involved -- it's more common to have meetings over breakfast, lunch or coffee.
Breakfast meetings are rare in China. It's not polite to ask Chinese to meet for breakfast.
Those long dinners are one reason that Chinese don't conduct business over breakfast -- between banquets and entertainment, many of them habitually stay up too late for early-morning meetings. It's not unusual for a businessman to dine out a few evenings a week, as well as on some weekends. The head of a large Chinese bank told me he has dinner at home only a handful of times a year.
That would be unthinkable for many Americans, who see dinner as family time. Mr. O'Brien says he avoids business dinners in the U.S. at all costs, and starts his days early so he can go home at a reasonable hour to see his two young children and help his wife cook dinner.
Switching to Chinese ways can be puzzling for Americans. When business consultant Joan Mancuso was working for a U.S.-based multinational company, some executives asked her why the Asian sales team's entertainment bills were much higher than the American team's. Ms. Mancuso, whose parents came from China and who's been conducting business there since 1991, had to explain the importance of business meals to Chinese.
While dinners are considered the best way to entertain and build trust, business lunches are common, too. But they're far more than just gathering over salad and sandwiches -- it's not unusual for business lunches to include a couple of cold dishes, four to five hot dishes and sometimes alcohol, meaning they often last more than two hours.
Does it make sense to spend all this time and money on meals? It doesn't really matter -- it's what's expected of you when you do business in China. There, a successful business career requires a lot of face-to-face social interactions, and families have to expect a businessperson to stay out late frequently.
That would be intolerable to many in the U.S., but in China it's not as big a problem. Unlike in the U.S., where a live-in nanny is a luxury for most people, it's common for a middle-class Chinese family to have one or more live-in nannies to help with childcare and housework. Some people ask their parents to live with them once they have children.
But that's not to say wives don't resent the situation. (I don't know enough Chinese businesswomen to understand what happens in their homes). My female friends sometimes complain that their husbands dine out late too often -- though it's also true that many of them expect their husbands to do so. There's a Chinese saying that husbands who go home early every day are losers, yet in Chinese soap operas, one of the first things an angry wife says to her businessman husband is always "You're never home."
It also means busy parents have little time to spend with their children. A friend of mine's brother and sister-in-law have to dine out a lot with clients, and so are rarely home for dinner with their only son. They hire tutors to check his homework, have a nanny, and one of the child's grandfathers lives with them. My friend, who's been living in the U.S. for more than a decade and is a mom herself, was shocked how little time her brother and sister-in-law get to spend with their son. But given the evening demands of business life in China, she knows, there's not a lot they can do about it.
While Americans prefer to dine with their own families, sometimes the need for face time takes first priority. When I was covering telecommunications for the Journal, I'd go to industry trade shows and conferences, which were always crammed with meetings. Some days I went to two breakfasts, two lunches, many coffees, at least one dinner, a couple of meetings for drinks, and a few parties. And many people had much busier schedules than me. It was all about face-to-face meetings, and there wasn't time to sleep. Of course, after so much coffee during the day, it was impossible to sleep anyway.
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紐(niu)約(yue)的(de)一(yi)位(wei)中(zhong)國(guo)朋(peng)友(you)剛(gang)開(kai)始(shi)工(gong)作(zuo)不(bu)久(jiu)便(bian)約(yue)一(yi)位(wei)基(ji)金(jin)經(jing)理(li)見(jian)麵(mian)吃(chi)晚(wan)飯(fan)。約(yue)了(le)幾(ji)次(ci)終(zhong)於(yu)成(cheng)功(gong)，但(dan)一(yi)吃(chi)完(wan)飯(fan)，基(ji)金(jin)經(jing)理(li)就(jiu)迫(po)不(bu)及(ji)待(dai)地(di)給(gei)丈(zhang)夫(fu)打(da)電(dian)話(hua)：“我這邊完事了。很快到家。”搞得朋友內疚不已。
朋友犯了一個忌諱：在zai美mei國guo，至zhi少shao在zai紐niu約yue，一yi般ban情qing況kuang下xia，你ni不bu約yue一yi對dui一yi的de工gong作zuo晚wan餐can，更geng不bu用yong提ti是shi第di一yi次ci見jian麵mian。這zhe和he中zhong國guo簡jian直zhi有you天tian壤rang之zhi別bie。中zhong國guo的de商shang務wu會hui麵mian，尤you其qi是shi第di一yi次ci，多duo是shi在zai晚wan餐can桌zhuo上shang進jin行xing的de。當dang我wo們men輕qing描miao淡dan寫xie地di說shuo“什麼時候一起吃個飯”時，大家都心知肚明多是指持續兩三個小時的晚飯。但美國人客氣地說“什麼時候大家聚一下”時，多是指一起喝個咖啡，下班後喝一杯酒，吃個一小時左右的早餐或午餐。
在zai中zhong國guo約yue人ren吃chi商shang務wu早zao餐can會hui被bei認ren為wei不bu禮li貌mao甚shen至zhi不bu給gei麵mian子zi，因yin為wei很hen少shao有you中zhong國guo人ren願yuan意yi一yi大da早zao起qi來lai做zuo這zhe件jian事shi。然ran而er在zai紐niu約yue，早zao晨chen七qi八ba點dian鍾zhong趕gan到dao一yi個ge地di方fang和he某mou大da公gong司si高gao管guan吃chi早zao餐can是shi再zai正zheng常chang不bu過guo的de事shi了le。大da家jia隨sui便bian點dian些xie東dong西xi，極ji為wei簡jian短duan地di寒han喧xuan後hou便bian直zhi奔ben主zhu題ti，談tan完wan事shi起qi身shen就jiu走zou也ye無wu任ren何he不bu妥tuo。甚shen至zhi可ke以yi在zai就jiu座zuo前qian告gao訴su對dui方fang自zi己ji隻zhi有you半ban小xiao時shi或huo一yi小xiao時shi時shi間jian。你ni做zuo出chu努nu力li來lai見jian麵mian本ben身shen就jiu是shi有you誠cheng意yi的de表biao現xian，剩sheng下xia有you什shen麼me需xu要yao談tan的de可ke以yi通tong過guo電dian話hua或huo安an排pai其qi他ta方fang式shi溝gou通tong。
我wo寫xie過guo實shi力li午wu餐can，也ye就jiu是shi有you權quan有you勢shi的de人ren每mei天tian到dao固gu定ding的de幾ji家jia高gao級ji餐can廳ting吃chi中zhong飯fan，主zhu要yao是shi為wei了le和he他ta們men一yi個ge重zhong量liang級ji的de人ren談tan工gong作zuo和he拉la關guan係xi。其qi實shi無wu論lun有you無wu權quan勢shi，午wu餐can是shi這zhe裏li最zui盛sheng行xing的de商shang務wu餐can形xing式shi。如ru果guo你ni到dao金jin融rong機ji構gou聚ju集ji的de華hua爾er街jie和he曼man哈ha頓dun中zhong城cheng看kan一yi下xia就jiu知zhi道dao，寫xie字zi樓lou裏li和he周zhou圍wei的de餐can館guan都dou是shi做zuo午wu餐can生sheng意yi的de。你ni可ke以yi通tong過guo午wu餐can和he同tong事shi交jiao換huan公gong司si裏li的de小xiao道dao消xiao息xi，和he上shang司si談tan工gong作zuo計ji劃hua，和he客ke戶hu談tan生sheng意yi。餐can館guan菜cai做zuo得de好hao壞huai不bu是shi最zui重zhong要yao的de，反fan正zheng大da家jia多duo是shi點dian一yi盤pan沙sha拉la或huo一yi個ge三san明ming治zhi，談tan得de投tou機ji可ke以yi喝he咖ka啡fei。即ji便bian是shi吃chi中zhong餐can，也ye多duo是shi自zi己ji叫jiao自zi己ji的de，不bu會hui叫jiao很hen多duo道dao菜cai吃chi兩liang三san個ge小xiao時shi。
wancanshizuiweimiaode。wodejingyanshimeiguorenhenshaochiyiduiyidegongzuowancan，tebieshizaishuangfangbushudeqingkuangxia。yifangmian，tamenxiguanyubagongzuohegerenshenghuofenkai，xiabanhoushizijideshijian，ruguobaitiankeyijiejuedeshiqing，juebuyuanyiliudaowancan。lingyifangmian，meiguorenjiatingguannianzhong，jiehunderenxiabanhuijiapeijialirenshitoudengyaoshi，bushifeiqubukedeshejiaohuodongkeyilizhiqizhuangdishuobu，meiyourenhuijianguai。ruguonijielehunyoulehaiziquechangcanjiawanshangdejitihuodongfanerhuiyoudianguai。zhishaowoshizhemerenweide。
longtonglaishuo，gongzuowancanduoshaodaidianshejiaoyiwei，suoyitongchangshijitihuodong，keyishilianggegongsiweiqingzhuqiandinghetong，yekeyishihuansongyiweitongshilikaigongsi。erqiewancanhaifenzuoxialaidezhengshiwancan、自助餐和其他更簡單的形式。如果要求正式著裝，一定要遵守，不然是對主辦人的不尊重。
我認為，其實中美商界對商務餐態度最重要的差別在於：zaimeiguo，shangwucanshizhengshijianmiandeyanxu，kenenghuiduizengjinlejiehexinrenqiyidingzuoyong，danjuebushibixude。erzhongguorengengkanzhongzaibangongshiyiwaijianmian，yinweizheyangkeyiduiyigemoshengrenyougengduoderenshi。chifanshigehuxiangzhuomodeguocheng，yeshihuxiangbiaodachengyideyizhongxingshi，suoyizainajiacanguanchi，huaduoshaoqiandouhuibeifangdaofangdajingxiaguancha。
