Recently, I discussed the value of investing in yourself - putting time and money into improving you, not building assets. Today, we'll look at one area of investing in yourself as part of an ongoing series on the topic, spread out once per weekday over two weeks. If you'd like to review all the entries, look at the investing in yourself subcategory.

    I'm a rather introverted person. When I'm in a group of people, my gut instinct is to clam up, be quiet, and sink into the woodwork （unless, of course, I'm very comfortable with most of the group）. It takes genuine effort for me to speak up in a group situation, and for much of my adult life I simply wouldn't do it. I'd just sit there, waiting for someone else to talk and quite often not engaging at all.

    This antisocial streak was hindering me, and I knew it. A large group of friends and associates are incredibly valuable to have - they can provide support to you in countless ways and you can provide support back to them as well. By sitting there like a bump on a log, not only was I not actively working towards building friendships and relationships, I was actually sending off a negative vibe to people.

    There were two books that really turned things around for me: Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People and Keith Ferrazzi's Never Eat Alone. These books actually have a lot in common - they both focus on how exactly to effectively interact with other people. Carnegie's book focuses on the actual interactions themselves - how do you actually step up and converse with someone? Ferrazzi's book continues that thought - how do you build a conversation into a relationship that has value? They're both filled with very specific tips that you can start applying right off the bat.

    With that information in hand, I had a good idea of what to do - I just needed to get started doing it. Here are some direct actions you can take to start investing in building a network of friends and acquaintances that actually have value, both to you and to the person you're connected to.

    Engage in activities that enable a lot of interactions with a lot of people.

    The first step is to simply meet people whose interests overlap with your own. Sure, you may know people through work, but that's only the tip of the iceberg - there are many, many people out there to meet, to know, and to develop friendships and relationships with. Here are some tips for getting out that front door.

    Identify social activities that mesh with your interests. Like reading books? Join a book club. Like outdoor activities? Join an outdoor club. Curious about the community? Go to any sort of community activity - check at city hall for the community calendar. Obsessed with your career? Go to meetings and conventions related to your professional area. Join Meetups for any activity of interest to you. Most large cities offer a lot of opportunity to explore whatever interest you may have.

    Don't give up on it after just one meeting. The biggest mistake that people make when joining a potentially interesting group is that they give up when they go to the first meeting, the people there already seem to know each other, and there are ongoing things that they're not familiar with. Give it a few meetings. Ask questions if you don't know what's going on. Don't just assume that you'll immediately be part of any ongoing social circle at this group - give it time to happen.

    Don't be afraid to be the first to talk - but don't be the only one talking.

    One intense challenge for me is to know how to deal with a group of people when no one is talking. Everyone's experienced them - those periods of silence when no one has quite yet taken the initiative to start a conversation or to bring up a new topic. That's the perfect time to get a new conversation rolling and to be noticed by others, so take advantage of it. Here are some tips.

    Realize that everyone else is probably feeling as uncomfortable as you are. If there's a silence in the room, it's probably a good indication that many of the people there don't know what to say next and are feeling some of your discomfort. By stepping up and getting the ball rolling, you often attract a positive response from others.

    If all else fails, ask a contextual question. Most of the time, I don't know what to say, so I'll use what's going on as the context for a question. I'll ask a question about the group itself, the event we're engaged in, the book the book club is reading, or so on. If you're in a very small group, current events can be a good topic to break the silence.

    If you notice you're the only one talking, it's probably time to give someone else an opportunity. In other words, trim your point to a close and try to finish by encouraging someone else to talk. One good way to do that is to finish with a "What do you all think?"

    Ask questions.

    The most effective way I've found to get a conversation going or to continue it is to get a person to talk about themselves. The easiest way to pull off that trick is to ask a question - create a situation where it makes social sense for that person to begin discussing themselves. Here's some advice on how to do that.

    Ask a question that the person would feel comfortable answering. If you're in a book club, questions about the book you're reading are always fair game. If they've brought up their children or family, cursory and positive questions about that topic are fair, too. In general, questions that are positive in tone and aren't too personal are always worthwhile. Compliment someone, for example, and ask where they got that item or idea.

    Listen to the responses. Listen to what they're saying. Try to understand their viewpoint and experiences - they're going to be different than your own. If you find yourself getting bored, then you're either discussing a topic that truly doesn't interest you or you're not clicking with that person, which is fine, but the first step to a positive connection is to listen to what they say and try to figure out what they mean.

    Use the responses for follow-up questions if you don't have a compelling idea of your own to interject. If you don't know how to respond to what they've just said, figure out the part that's troubling you and turn it into a question again, allowing them to explain further. It not only clearly shows that you're listening and are engaged, but it gives the person a greater chance to expound their thoughts in a positive light.

    Focus on the people that interest you.

    There are going to be people you are uncomfortable interacting with, either for obvious reasons or for reasons you can't quite put your finger on. You don't have to interact with them. Instead, focus on the people who give you a positive feeling - people who click with you and engage you. These people will be much more likely to build up an actual relationship with you, whether it be a friendship or a business relationship. Here are some tips.

    At first, interact with a lot of people. Listen to who's talking and figure out which people are actually interesting to you. When you see people standing alone and not talking, talk to them. When there's a group talking, listen in. Spend some time interacting with as many people as you can. The reason is to figure out which ones you may click with.

    Gravitate gradually towards the people you find most interesting. It might be the person talking the most at the center of the room, or it might be the person sitting quietly off to the side. Keep conversing with the people that click with you. Don't be afraid to move on if they exhibit behaviors that make you uncomfortable.

    Once you've narrowed it down, focus on building up ties with the people that fit best with you. Exchange contact information with one or two of them if it feels like you might really have something in common. If that doesn't feel appropriate yet, just make sure that you have opportunities to meet those people again at other, similar events - come to the next group meeting, for example.

    Follow up.

    If you've actually traded contact information with someone in a genuine fashion, meaning that it was because of a desire to actually further exchange ideas, follow up. Don't just let it dry there on the vine. I usually try to contact new people I've met once every few weeks - for example, I recently was elected to a community board, so I'm slowly putting forth an effort to get to know everyone on that board.

    Wait a bit, then make a contact. I usually find that for most people, a follow up email that's non-fluffy is worthwhile. I try to recall what we've talked about （I usually jot it down on the back of whatever contact info I get）, do some research on the topic, and continue the conversation in some regard. I always make sure to include a reminder of who I am as well, usually starting it off that way （"This is Trent Hamm. We met recently at the Smith's fire benefit dinner and we discussed some changes in the town's sidewalk policy…"）.

    If they don't respond back, don't push it. Just wait for another opportunity to meet that person in a social environment and chat about it. Quite often, people intend to respond but just get busy with things - it's often not a snub. However, you should make sure not to make yourself a nuisance.

    If you can easily do a favor for someone, do it. Quite often, opportunities will come up where someone is in obvious need of a helping hand. If you have the opportunity to help out, especially if it's easy for you, do so. Helping out the people around you is the single best thing you can do to build a solid relationship with the people you're helping - plus, you get the opportunity to make someone else's life better.

    Dabble in hosting social events.

    One great opportunity to build and cement relationships and friendships is to host small social gatherings. I'm pretty partial to the dinner party or barbecue, myself - inviting people into your home and serving them food is a great way to get people to open up and connect to each other.

    Invite a diversity of people. If you have a gathering, it's good to invite people who do know each other and people who don't. I usually try to keep the number small and make sure that everyone there knows at least someone else besides me, but ideally not everyone knows everyone else. If you don't know that many people, just invite who you know and keep the number relatively low.

    Try very hard to accept any reciprocal invitations. If you get invited in return, make a special effort to go to that event. Social invitations are more valuable than you think and they're often a sign of acceptance into a larger group. Make an effort to go to any invite you get, especially if it's the first one.

    Keep the communication going - don't let it die off.

    Once you've built a connection with someone, don't let it fall apart because you're too busy. It only takes a few minutes every once in a while to keep a relationship healthy, so take the time to do it.

    Keep in contact regularly - a handwritten note on a special occasion is a great way to do it. Send out New Year's/winter seasonal cards to everyone you can, with a quick handwritten note inside greeting them. One year, I made up almost three hundred of these and it was worth the effort. Similarly, if you find out someone's made a career change, bought a house, got married, or had a child, make sure that you pop a handwritten note and perhaps a small gift their way.

    Send quick emails semi-regularly. Some people do this with their cell phone, but I find that to be kind of intrusive for just touching base with someone. I often use a quick personally-written email just asking how they're doing and maybe delivering a few sentences on what I'm up to or what's currently interesting to me. I don't do this too regularly - every few months or so - but it does a great job of helping a relationship to not wither and die over a long period of time.

    The real key, though, is to build a solid number of meaningful relationships and friendships and make sure they don't wither - these are the people who you support and will support you when you need it. The first step is up to you.

    最近，我討論了自我投資的價值-花hua時shi間jian和he金jin錢qian在zai完wan善shan你ni自zi己ji上shang，而er不bu是shi購gou買mai資zi產chan。今jin天tian，我wo們men先xian來lai看kan看kan自zi我wo投tou資zi的de其qi中zhong一yi方fang麵mian
，這zhe也ye是shi將jiang要yao開kai始shi的de有you關guan這zhe個ge主zhu題ti的de係xi列lie文wen章zhang的de一yi部bu分fen。這zhe一yi主zhu題ti在zai這zhe兩liang周zhou的de每mei個ge工gong作zuo日ri會hui推tui出chu一yi篇pian文wen章zhang。如ru果guo你ni想xiang回hui顧gu全quan部bu的de文wen章zhang


，請qing查zha看kan"自我投資"目錄下。

    我是個十分內向的人。當我身處眾人之間，我的本能反應是閉上嘴

，保持安靜，避免引起別人注意（當然，如果我與其中的大部分人都能相處自如就不一樣了）.我wo必bi須xu非fei常chang努nu力li的de說shuo服fu自zi己ji才cai能neng讓rang自zi己ji當dang眾zhong發fa表biao講jiang話hua，而er在zai我wo成cheng人ren後hou的de大da多duo數shu時shi間jian中zhong
，我wo總zong是shi不bu自zi覺jiao的de避bi免mian這zhe樣yang做zuo。我wo總zong是shi呆dai坐zuo在zai那na，等deng著zhe別bie人ren走zou上shang前qian來lai和he我wo說shuo話hua，即ji使shi這zhe樣yang我wo也ye經jing常chang無wu法fa投tou入ru對dui話hua中zhong。

    這一不合群的性格經常妨礙我，我也認識到了這點。擁有很多朋友與夥伴的價值是無法估量的--他(ta)們(men)能(neng)夠(gou)以(yi)無(wu)數(shu)種(zhong)方(fang)式(shi)向(xiang)你(ni)提(ti)供(gong)幫(bang)助(zhu)，而(er)你(ni)也(ye)能(neng)相(xiang)應(ying)的(de)幫(bang)助(zhu)他(ta)們(men)。呆(dai)坐(zuo)著(zhe)讓(rang)我(wo)不(bu)僅(jin)無(wu)法(fa)積(ji)極(ji)的(de)去(qu)建(jian)立(li)朋(peng)友(you)及(ji)夥(huo)伴(ban)關(guan)係(xi)

，也(ye)讓(rang)會(hui)讓(rang)別(bie)人(ren)對(dui)我(wo)產(chan)生(sheng)負(fu)麵(mian)的(de)想(xiang)法(fa)。

    兩本書改變了我：Dale Carnegie的《如何贏得朋友及影響別人》，Keith Ferrazzi的《別獨自一人吃飯》。這兩本書有許多共同點--他們都關注於如何有效的與別人進行溝通。Garnegie的書著重於實際溝通本身--如何確實的與別人建立聯係和進行交談。Ferrazzi的書則做了進一步闡述--如何從一次溝通發展到有價值的夥伴關係。兩本書中都充滿了你可以立即應用的詳細的技巧。

    有了這些信息後，我就知道自己下一步該怎麼做了--woyaozuodejiushiqushishitamen。xiamianjiushiyixiejutidexingdongzhidao，nikeyianciquzuolaijianliyigezhenzhengyoujiazhidepengyouheshurenquanzi，tadejiazhibujinshiduini
，duiyunijiaowangderenyeshitongyang。

    積極參與到能夠給你許多與他人進行交流溝通的機會的活動中

    第一步很簡單
，就是創造機會和那些與你的興趣愛好有交集的人會麵。當然，你通過自己的工作就能認識不少，但那隻是冰山一角--除此之外還有許許多多的人你應該去會麵
、結識、發展友誼和緊密的關係。有許多技巧可以幫助你實現這點。

    找zhao到dao那na些xie正zheng好hao適shi合he你ni興xing趣qu愛ai好hao的de社she交jiao活huo動dong。喜xi歡huan讀du書shu？不bu妨fang加jia入ru讀du書shu俱ju樂le部bu。喜xi歡huan戶hu外wai活huo動dong？不bu妨fang加jia入ru戶hu外wai俱ju樂le部bu。對dui社she區qu生sheng活huo感gan到dao好hao奇qi？不bu妨fang去qu參can加jia任ren意yi一yi種zhong社she區qu活huo動dong--可以到市政廳查看社區日程安排。熱愛你的職業？參加與你的專業領域有關的會議和展會。參與Meetups網站上提供的與你感興趣的活動。幾乎所有的大城市都能提供許多這樣的機會，讓你能夠進一步探索你擁有的任何愛好。

    不(bu)要(yao)僅(jin)僅(jin)參(can)加(jia)一(yi)次(ci)就(jiu)放(fang)棄(qi)。人(ren)們(men)在(zai)參(can)加(jia)那(na)些(xie)可(ke)能(neng)會(hui)感(gan)興(xing)趣(qu)的(de)小(xiao)組(zu)時(shi)往(wang)往(wang)會(hui)犯(fan)的(de)最(zui)大(da)錯(cuo)誤(wu)就(jiu)是(shi)在(zai)第(di)一(yi)次(ci)參(can)加(jia)之(zhi)後(hou)就(jiu)放(fang)棄(qi)。小(xiao)組(zu)中(zhong)的(de)其(qi)他(ta)人(ren)都(dou)相(xiang)互(hu)熟(shu)識(shi)，而(er)自(zi)己(ji)卻(que)對(dui)其(qi)中(zhong)正(zheng)在(zai)進(jin)行(xing)的(de)事(shi)情(qing)毫(hao)無(wu)認(ren)識(shi)。讓(rang)自(zi)己(ji)多(duo)參(can)加(jia)幾(ji)次(ci)。如(ru)果(guo)你(ni)不(bu)知(zhi)道(dao)別(bie)人(ren)正(zheng)在(zai)做(zuo)什(shen)麼(me)，就(jiu)開(kai)口(kou)詢(xun)問(wen)。別(bie)假(jia)設(she)自(zi)己(ji)會(hui)立(li)即(ji)成(cheng)為(wei)小(xiao)組(zu)中(zhong)正(zheng)在(zai)進(jin)行(xing)的(de)社(she)交(jiao)活(huo)動(dong)的(de)一(yi)部(bu)分(fen)--需要時間來讓它發生。

    不要害怕成為第一個發言的--但不要做唯一說話的人

    對我來說
，最重要的挑戰之一就是如何處理冷場的情況。幾乎每個人都經曆過那樣的沉默--沒(mei)人(ren)要(yao)主(zhu)動(dong)開(kai)始(shi)交(jiao)流(liu)或(huo)開(kai)始(shi)一(yi)個(ge)新(xin)話(hua)題(ti)。這(zhe)實(shi)際(ji)是(shi)你(ni)不(bu)應(ying)放(fang)過(guo)的(de)好(hao)機(ji)會(hui)，你(ni)可(ke)以(yi)開(kai)始(shi)一(yi)個(ge)新(xin)的(de)話(hua)題(ti)
，讓(rang)其(qi)他(ta)人(ren)開(kai)始(shi)注(zhu)意(yi)你(ni)。下(xia)麵(mian)是(shi)一(yi)些(xie)技(ji)巧(qiao)。

    你ni要yao知zhi道dao，可ke能neng其qi他ta人ren也ye都dou和he你ni一yi樣yang對dui此ci感gan到dao不bu適shi應ying。如ru果guo房fang間jian裏li變bian得de沉chen默mo，這zhe也ye許xu是shi一yi個ge非fei常chang明ming顯xian的de征zheng兆zhao，即ji那na裏li的de大da多duo數shu人ren都dou不bu知zhi道dao接jie下xia來lai該gai說shuo什shen麼me，並bing且qie和he你ni一yi樣yang感gan到dao不bu自zi在zai。隻zhi要yao你ni向xiang前qian一yi步bu，打da破po冷leng場chang，往wang往wang就jiu能neng從cong別bie人ren那na得de到dao積ji極ji的de回hui應ying。

    如果別的方法都不行，不妨就問一個銜接性的問題。很多次，當我不知道該說什麼
，我就會問"接下來做什麼".我(wo)會(hui)問(wen)有(you)關(guan)這(zhe)個(ge)小(xiao)組(zu)自(zi)身(shen)的(de)問(wen)題(ti)，有(you)關(guan)正(zheng)在(zai)進(jin)行(xing)中(zhong)的(de)活(huo)動(dong)，如(ru)讀(du)書(shu)俱(ju)樂(le)部(bu)裏(li)正(zheng)在(zai)閱(yue)讀(du)的(de)書(shu)，等(deng)等(deng)。如(ru)果(guo)你(ni)所(suo)在(zai)的(de)小(xiao)組(zu)很(hen)小(xiao)，有(you)關(guan)目(mu)前(qian)正(zheng)在(zai)進(jin)行(xing)的(de)活(huo)動(dong)的(de)問(wen)題(ti)是(shi)個(ge)很(hen)好(hao)的(de)，可(ke)以(yi)用(yong)來(lai)打(da)破(po)沉(chen)默(mo)的(de)話(hua)題(ti)。

    如(ru)果(guo)你(ni)發(fa)現(xian)自(zi)己(ji)是(shi)唯(wei)一(yi)在(zai)不(bu)停(ting)說(shuo)話(hua)的(de)人(ren)，也(ye)許(xu)就(jiu)該(gai)給(gei)別(bie)人(ren)一(yi)些(xie)機(ji)會(hui)了(le)。也(ye)就(jiu)是(shi)說(shuo)，你(ni)應(ying)該(gai)總(zong)結(jie)你(ni)的(de)話(hua)題(ti)，並(bing)在(zai)結(jie)束(shu)時(shi)爭(zheng)取(qu)鼓(gu)勵(li)另(ling)外(wai)的(de)人(ren)開(kai)始(shi)討(tao)論(lun)。比(bi)如(ru)說(shuo)用(yong)"你們怎麼想
？"來結尾就是個不錯的方式。

    問問題

    我找到的最有效的開始交流和讓它繼續下去的方法就是讓對方談論他們自己。達到這個目的的最有效途徑就是問問題--創造一個讓別人開始談論它們自己的社交情景。這裏有一些如何去做的建議。

    問wen對dui方fang能neng夠gou輕qing鬆song回hui答da的de問wen題ti。如ru果guo你ni在zai讀du書shu俱ju樂le部bu裏li，問wen有you關guan你ni們men正zheng在zai讀du的de書shu的de問wen題ti可ke以yi算suan是shi公gong平ping遊you戲xi。如ru果guo他ta們men帶dai著zhe他ta們men的de孩hai子zi或huo家jia人ren來lai參can加jia，有you關guan家jia人ren的de簡jian略lve和he正zheng麵mian的de問wen題ti也ye很hen恰qia當dang。總zong之zhi，那na些xie帶dai著zhe正zheng麵mian語yu氣qi以yi及ji不bu過guo於yu私si人ren的de問wen題ti都dou是shi可ke以yi的de。比bi方fang說shuo
，讚zan美mei別bie人ren的de服fu飾shi或huo想xiang法fa，並bing詢xun問wen他ta們men在zai哪na買mai的de或huo如ru何he想xiang到dao的de。

    傾聽對方的回應。傾聽別人是如怎麼說的。試著理解他們的觀點和經驗--他ta們men是shi與yu你ni不bu同tong的de。如ru果guo你ni覺jiao得de枯ku燥zao乏fa味wei，那na說shuo明ming你ni要yao麼me是shi在zai討tao論lun一yi項xiang你ni確que實shi不bu感gan興xing趣qu的de主zhu題ti
，要yao麼me就jiu是shi你ni與yu那na人ren實shi在zai沒mei有you共gong同tong語yu言yan。那na樣yang並bing沒mei關guan係xi，不bu過guo達da成cheng積ji極ji的de聯lian係xi的de第di一yi步bu就jiu是shi傾qing聽ting對dui方fang所suo說shuo的de

，並bing理li解jie對dui方fang的de意yi思si。

    如ru果guo你ni沒mei法fa想xiang出chu一yi個ge有you趣qu的de話hua題ti來lai插cha入ru交jiao談tan，不bu妨fang從cong別bie人ren的de回hui應ying中zhong找zhao到dao自zi己ji想xiang問wen的de問wen題ti。如ru果guo你ni不bu知zhi道dao該gai怎zen麼me回hui應ying別bie人ren說shuo的de內nei容rong，想xiang想xiang其qi中zhong那na些xie部bu分fen讓rang你ni困kun擾rao，把ba這zhe作zuo為wei一yi個ge問wen題ti再zai次ci提ti出chu，讓rang別bie人ren為wei你ni進jin一yi步bu解jie答da。這zhe樣yang做zuo不bu僅jin清qing晰xi的de表biao明ming你ni在zai你ni正zheng在zai傾qing聽ting並bing積ji極ji的de投tou入ru，而er且qie給gei別bie人ren一yi個ge很hen好hao的de機ji會hui，積ji極ji的de為wei你ni仔zai細xi解jie釋shi他ta們men的de想xiang法fa。

    關注於那些讓你感興趣的人

    zongyouxieren
，dangniyutamenjiaowangshihuigandaobuzizai
，liyoukenenghenmingxian，yekenengmeiyoumingquedeliyou。nanijiububifeiyaoyutamenjiaowang。ershiyinggaizhuanzhuyunaxierangniganjiaobucuoderen--那na些xie與yu你ni很hen合he拍pai而er且qie也ye吸xi引yin你ni的de人ren。那na樣yang的de人ren更geng有you可ke能neng與yu你ni建jian立li真zhen正zheng的de關guan係xi，無wu論lun那na是shi一yi種zhong朋peng友you關guan係xi，或huo是shi商shang業ye關guan係xi。這zhe裏li有you一yi些xie相xiang關guan的de技ji巧qiao。

    首(shou)先(xian)，你(ni)要(yao)和(he)許(xu)多(duo)人(ren)進(jin)行(xing)交(jiao)流(liu)。傾(qing)聽(ting)他(ta)們(men)的(de)談(tan)話(hua)
，找(zhao)出(chu)那(na)些(xie)真(zhen)正(zheng)吸(xi)引(yin)你(ni)的(de)人(ren)。當(dang)你(ni)看(kan)到(dao)某(mou)人(ren)獨(du)自(zi)站(zhan)著(zhe)
，沒(mei)在(zai)和(he)別(bie)人(ren)談(tan)話(hua)，不(bu)妨(fang)走(zou)上(shang)前(qian)和(he)他(ta)交(jiao)談(tan)。當(dang)別(bie)人(ren)在(zai)進(jin)行(xing)小(xiao)組(zu)交(jiao)流(liu)時(shi)，認(ren)真(zhen)的(de)傾(qing)聽(ting)他(ta)們(men)。花(hua)些(xie)時(shi)間(jian)和(he)盡(jin)可(ke)能(neng)多(duo)的(de)人(ren)交(jiao)流(liu)。這(zhe)樣(yang)做(zuo)你(ni)才(cai)能(neng)找(zhao)到(dao)那(na)些(xie)與(yu)你(ni)合(he)拍(pai)的(de)人(ren)。

    manmandejiejinnaxienizuiganxingquderen。tayexushichuyuquanzizhongxin，yubierenjiaotanzuiduoderen，huozheshinageanjingdezuozaipangbianderen。tongnaxieyunitouyuanderenduojiaoliu。ruguotamenbiaoxianchurangniganjiaobushufudexingwei，buyongdanxin


，huanyigejiushile。

    dangnibazijiduiqiganxingquderenshujiangdaoyidingchengdu，jiugaijiangzhuyilifangzaiyunaxiezuifuheniyaoqiuderenjianlimiqielianxishang。ruguoniganjiaoyuqizhongdeyidaolianggerenyougongtongdexingqu，bufangyutamenjiaohuanlianxifangshi。ruguoganjiaohaibushihezheyangzuo

，bufangheduifangquerennirengrannengzaibiedeleisichanghezhongjiandaoduifang--比如說參加下一次的團體聚會。

    采取進一步行動

    如(ru)果(guo)你(ni)們(men)已(yi)經(jing)通(tong)過(guo)某(mou)種(zhong)切(qie)實(shi)可(ke)靠(kao)的(de)方(fang)式(shi)交(jiao)換(huan)過(guo)聯(lian)係(xi)信(xin)息(xi)了(le)
，那(na)意(yi)味(wei)著(zhe)你(ni)們(men)確(que)實(shi)有(you)著(zhe)進(jin)一(yi)步(bu)交(jiao)流(liu)的(de)願(yuan)望(wang)，那(na)就(jiu)跟(gen)進(jin)吧(ba)。別(bie)浪(lang)費(fei)機(ji)會(hui)。我(wo)一(yi)般(ban)每(mei)隔(ge)幾(ji)周(zhou)就(jiu)嚐(chang)試(shi)和(he)那(na)些(xie)新(xin)認(ren)識(shi)的(de)人(ren)聯(lian)係(xi)--比如我最近被選為某個通信委員會的委員，我就正在一步一步的努力去結識委員會中的每個人。

    等(deng)一(yi)段(duan)時(shi)間(jian)，然(ran)後(hou)主(zhu)動(dong)發(fa)出(chu)聯(lian)絡(luo)。我(wo)發(fa)現(xian)對(dui)大(da)多(duo)數(shu)人(ren)來(lai)說(shuo)
，一(yi)封(feng)不(bu)那(na)麼(me)空(kong)洞(dong)的(de)後(hou)續(xu)聯(lian)係(xi)郵(you)件(jian)還(hai)是(shi)有(you)價(jia)值(zhi)的(de)。我(wo)在(zai)寫(xie)郵(you)件(jian)前(qian)會(hui)努(nu)力(li)回(hui)想(xiang)我(wo)們(men)曾(zeng)討(tao)論(lun)的(de)話(hua)題(ti)（我通常會在我得到的聯係信息紙片後草草記下這些內容）,對這些話題做點研究，並對此作出進一步的交流。此外，我通常也會在信中說明我是誰，以這樣的方式開始（"我是Trent Hamm.我們在史密斯先生的慈善晚會上見過麵，在那我們就有關城市人行道的政策交流過……"）

    如果對方沒有回信，別催促他們。等下一次你們在另一個社交場合見麵的機會再討論。很多時候，對方是願意回應的
，隻是事情太多--而不是不願理睬你。因此，你不要因過分積極而令別人感到厭煩。

    ruguojushouzhilaojiunengbangdaobieren
，bieyouyu。womenchanghuiyudaopangrenxianranxuyaobangzhudeshihou。ruguoniqiahaochuyunenggougeiyubangzhudeweizhishang，tebiedangzhemezuoduinizhishijushouzhilaoshi，niyinggaihaobuyouyudezhemezuo。bangzhuzhouweiderenshininengzhaodaode，shininengyubeibangzhuderenjianlilaoguguanxidezuihaodefangfa。tongshi
，nihaihuodelebangzhubierenguodegenghaodejihui。

    嚐試組織社交活動。

    組織小的社交聚會是建立和保持關係與友誼的一個極好方法。我自己就很願意參加各樣的晚餐會和燒烤聚會-邀請其他人到你家聚餐是讓大家敞開胸懷，建立聯係的極好辦法。

    邀yao請qing不bu同tong類lei型xing的de人ren。如ru果guo你ni組zu織zhi了le一yi個ge聚ju會hui，最zui好hao是shi既ji邀yao請qing那na些xie相xiang互hu認ren識shi的de，也ye邀yao請qing一yi些xie與yu其qi他ta人ren不bu熟shu的de人ren。我wo通tong常chang邀yao請qing較jiao少shao的de人ren
，並bing確que保bao他ta們men都dou認ren識shi除chu我wo之zhi外wai至zhi少shao一yi個ge人ren
，但dan不bu會hui全quan部bu相xiang互hu認ren識shi。如ru果guo你ni不bu認ren識shi那na麼me多duo人ren，不bu妨fang隻zhi邀yao請qing你ni認ren識shi的de，並bing保bao持chi較jiao低di的de人ren數shu。

    努nu力li去qu響xiang應ying回hui請qing。如ru果guo你ni得de到dao一yi個ge被bei回hui請qing的de機ji會hui，盡jin量liang去qu參can加jia。社she交jiao邀yao請qing比bi你ni想xiang的de要yao重zhong要yao，它ta們men常chang常chang意yi味wei著zhe被bei一yi個ge大da社she團tuan接jie納na。對dui於yu任ren何he你ni收shou到dao的de邀yao請qing，最zui好hao都dou盡jin力li去qu赴fu約yue

，特te別bie是shi你ni第di一yi次ci收shou到dao某mou人ren的de邀yao請qing時shi。

    保持聯係，別讓它慢慢中斷

    一yi旦dan你ni建jian立li了le與yu某mou人ren的de聯lian係xi，別bie讓rang它ta隻zhi因yin為wei你ni很hen忙mang就jiu慢man慢man中zhong斷duan。你ni隻zhi要yao偶ou爾er花hua上shang幾ji分fen鍾zhong就jiu能neng讓rang你ni們men之zhi間jian的de關guan係xi保bao持chi健jian康kang，別bie吝lin嗇se那na點dian時shi間jian。

    定期和對方聯係--特(te)定(ding)時(shi)節(jie)裏(li)送(song)給(gei)對(dui)方(fang)一(yi)張(zhang)手(shou)寫(xie)的(de)便(bian)條(tiao)是(shi)個(ge)很(hen)有(you)效(xiao)的(de)方(fang)法(fa)。隻(zhi)要(yao)可(ke)能(neng)，給(gei)每(mei)個(ge)你(ni)認(ren)識(shi)的(de)人(ren)發(fa)新(xin)年(nian)或(huo)聖(sheng)誕(dan)節(jie)賀(he)卡(ka)
，卡(ka)裏(li)寫(xie)上(shang)簡(jian)潔(jie)的(de)祝(zhu)賀(he)字(zi)句(ju)。每(mei)年(nian)，我(wo)要(yao)製(zhi)作(zuo)300封feng這zhe樣yang的de賀he卡ka，這zhe些xie努nu力li都dou是shi非fei常chang值zhi得de的de。同tong樣yang的de思si路lu，如ru果guo你ni知zhi道dao某mou人ren換huan了le工gong作zuo，置zhi了le新xin宅zhai，結jie婚hun或huo添tian了le小xiao寶bao貝bei，別bie忘wang了le給gei他ta們men發fa出chu一yi封feng手shou寫xie的de賀he信xin，也ye許xu還hai加jia上shang一yi個ge小xiao禮li物wu。

    保(bao)持(chi)每(mei)個(ge)季(ji)度(du)發(fa)給(gei)聯(lian)係(xi)人(ren)一(yi)些(xie)簡(jian)短(duan)的(de)郵(you)件(jian)。有(you)些(xie)人(ren)通(tong)過(guo)短(duan)信(xin)的(de)方(fang)式(shi)這(zhe)麼(me)做(zuo)，但(dan)我(wo)覺(jiao)得(de)這(zhe)樣(yang)做(zuo)有(you)點(dian)冒(mao)犯(fan)。我(wo)通(tong)常(chang)自(zi)己(ji)寫(xie)一(yi)封(feng)簡(jian)短(duan)的(de)郵(you)件(jian)，問(wen)問(wen)對(dui)方(fang)正(zheng)在(zai)忙(mang)什(shen)麼(me)
，同(tong)時(shi)也(ye)會(hui)寫(xie)點(dian)有(you)關(guan)我(wo)自(zi)己(ji)正(zheng)在(zai)做(zuo)的(de)和(he)感(gan)興(xing)趣(qu)的(de)事(shi)情(qing)。我(wo)不(bu)會(hui)時(shi)常(chang)這(zhe)麼(me)做(zuo)--一般是幾個月一次的樣子--但這樣已經足以避免由於時間太長不聯絡而導致關係削弱和中斷。

    不過
，真正的關鍵是建立一定數量的有意義的關係和友誼，並確保它們穩固--那是些你會支持
，同時當你需要時，也會支持你的人。第一步必須由你開始。