Some of the most deflating moments I've experienced in social situations are when people have told me I was being quiet. There I was, thinking I was doing fine with everyone, but nope, they actually saw me in an entirely different way.

    When you think about it, it's not the end of the world to be called quiet. It's not like people think you're a horrible person, just that they wished you showed what your personality was about and contributed to the conversation more. You could also be at peace with the fact that you're not a huge talker. Finally, among good friends, it's fine to sit back at times.

    Still, sometimes you want to make a good impression with everyone and seem like you're interested in the rest of the group. Especially when you've just met some new people, it's usually better to lean towards the outgoing end of the scale. Getting that 'quiet' label often works against those plans. Here are some simple strategies I came up with that help me be less quiet and come up with things to say:

    Tell yourself that you have to say something every so often

    When you don't speak up and chime into the conversation enough, you may be seen as quiet. One thing that works for me is to make an explicit rule in my head that I have to say something at least every few minutes, preferably more. If not, I know people may perceive me as quiet. It seems basic, but when I spell it out to myself like this, it forces me to continually try to add new points to the discussion. Before realizing this, I'd hang back and listen to everyone, and take everything in, but sometimes go ten minutes or more without uttering a word. Or I'd get lost in my head and get distracted by my own thoughts and daydreams. You can't do that. You have to talk more often than it feels like you do. Consciously knowing this helps you do it.

    When you're new to a group of people who all know each other, this rule especially applies. The onus is often on you to get yourself into their conversation. They may all be comfortable with each other, and benignly neglect to actively include you.

    Elaborate on the things you have to say

    If it's your turn to talk, instead of saying "Fine" or "Good" or "Yeah", flesh out your answer. Give your opinion. Go into detail about you did on the weekend. Say more about the TV show you just mentioned. Without rambling on, try to stretch out your turn to speak. Sometimes when I catch myself not knowing what to say, I'll realize I can just go into more detail about the material I already put out there. If you really want to get fancy, see how entertaining or intriguing you can make your expanded statements.

    Don't filter yourself too much when trying to think of something to say

    Often when I feel like I can't think of anything to say, there are actually lots of potential conversation topics passing through my mind. But instead of going with them, I nix them for one reason or another; "No, I can't say that. It's too boring.", "No, that's too out of the blue.", "Oh, I'm kind of nervous saying that, though I couldn't tell you why." Instead of censoring yourself too much, just spit out some of the ideas passing through your mind.

    Don't fret too much about saying generic things

    I've read a lot of advice telling me not to bore people with cliched, unoriginal conversation topics. This has sunk in so much that sometimes I'll find myself paralyzed in social situations. I'll meet someone new and not say anything to them because I think it's a huge faux pas to ask them something uninspired, like where they work.

    Just say this stuff anyways. Something is better than nothing. Often, dull questions like, "What do you do for fun?", or "Seen any good movies lately?" get the ball rolling. Soon enough you're talking about something more interesting. They can be a necessary evil, a reliable, if tiresome, fallback. When people ask me questions I've heard to answer a million times before, I'm not always crazy about it, but don't hold it against them either. Ideally you can avoid boring topics, but if you can't think of anything else to say, then go with them as opposed to be quiet.

    Pay attention and keep up with the conversation going on around you

    Put this one under "Basic concepts I used to not always follow." It's always easier to come up with things to say when you really follow along with what everyone else is saying. It's much more likely that something relevant you can add will pop into your head. Before I was a lot more likely to zone out and disappear into my head. Conversations can also be a bit annoying to follow at times, like if everyone is talking at once, or if the environment is loud. Sometimes it feels easier to give up and not devote your full attention to it. I find it's usually worth the effort to keep engaged. It's also something you can get used to if you initially find it difficult.

    Learn the unwritten rules of loud, lively conversations

    I have an easier time holding my own in smaller, orderly groups. When you add more people to the mix, and everyone starts talking at once, I have a harder time putting in my two cents. A lot of people probably experience the same thing. If you haven't seen it already, I wrote another article about just this topic:

    Take the lead in the conversation if it's not going your way

    Often I'll be quiet because the people I'm with are discussing something where I have zero to add, usually because I know nothing about the topic. If that goes on too long, then I'm suddenly the quiet one. If the conversation isn't going your way, try to take the lead and switch it to an area where you'll naturally have more to talk about.

    More generally, if the other people are talking among themselves, and aren't making an effort in include you, you should take the initiative and try to work your way in there. There's no rule that says you politely have to wait for someone to directly address you and ask your opinion on something.

    Sometimes you just can't come up with something to say

    These tips continue to help me, but at times my mind draws a blank. When you can't think of something to say, it's often due to shyness and inhibition interfering with your ability to think freely, and reducing these feelings is easier said than done. You can't just logically reason anxious feelings away. Sometimes the shy feelings are temporary and you can ride them out. At other times you feel shy all night and that outing is a write off.

    The other usual explanation is when you honestly have nothing to contribute to the conversation （e.g., everyone is talking about old friends they have in common）, and it's not appropriate to try and suddenly change it. But here everyone should at least understand that you can't be expected to be too chatty. Try to say something though when the topic changes.

    If you do come off as quiet, do better next time

    It's not unusual for someone to be a little tongue-tied around a new group of people. If you do better next time, then people will often forget their first impression of you. They'll realize you aren't a snob after all, or that you aren't meek and boring, and that you're actually a pretty interesting person to have around.

    wojinglideyixiebeishoudajideshike

，shizaimouxieshejiaoqingjingzhong，bierenduiwoshuowozenmeyizhidouzhemechenmen。benlaiwodaizainali，ziwoganjiaohemeigerendouchudetinghao。keshi，tamenquecongyigewanquanbutongdejiaodukandaiwo。

    仔細想想
，被當成"沉默的人"其qi實shi也ye不bu是shi世shi界jie末mo日ri。這zhe不bu像xiang人ren們men認ren為wei你ni是shi可ke怕pa的de人ren，這zhe隻zhi是shi意yi味wei著zhe他ta們men希xi望wang你ni能neng主zhu動dong展zhan現xian你ni的de個ge性xing，更geng多duo地di參can與yu討tao論lun。你ni也ye可ke以yi心xin平ping氣qi和he地di接jie受shou你ni並bing不bu健jian談tan這zhe一yi事shi實shi。說shuo到dao頭tou
，在zai朋peng友you當dang中zhong靜jing靜jing聆ling聽ting有you時shi也ye是shi很hen好hao的de。

    然而，有時你想給他人留下好印象，或者想要表現你對團體中其他成員的興趣。尤其當你剛剛認識一些人時
，通常是將天平傾向"外向"的一端更好。被貼上"沉悶"的標簽對此有害無益。而以下是我自個想出來的一些簡單的對策
，它們幫助我不再沉默寡言，能夠想出可說的話來。

    提醒自己必須不時說些什麼

    當你不大膽說話

、jijicanyudaotanhuazhong，nijiukenengbeikanzuoshichenmoderen。duiwotingyouxiaodeyitiaoshi
，zainaozilishuliyigemingxidetiaoli
，guidingwobixuzhishaomeigejifenzhongshuojijuhua，huozhegengduo。ruguomeizuodao，womingbairenmenjiuhuijiaodewochenmen。zhekanqilaihenchuji，dandangwoqinkouduizijizheyangshuo，jiunengposhiwozijibuduandichangshiweidangqiandetaolunjiadianliao。zairenshidaozheyidianzhiqian，woweisuobuqian，qingtingmeigerendegaotankuolun，jienatamensuoshuodeyiqie，youshilianxushifenzhong（甚至更久）一yi言yan不bu發fa。或huo者zhe
，我wo在zai自zi己ji的de腦nao海hai裏li迷mi了le路lu，被bei我wo自zi己ji的de思si緒xu和he浮fu想xiang攪jiao得de心xin神shen不bu寧ning。你ni不bu能neng那na樣yang。你ni要yao更geng頻pin繁fan地di開kai口kou
，而er不bu是shi在zai思si緒xu翩pian翩pian中zhong自zi我wo感gan覺jiao良liang好hao。有you意yi識shi地di明ming確que這zhe一yi點dian能neng幫bang助zhu你ni開kai口kou。

    dangnizoujinbicidouyixiangshideyiqunrenshi，zhetiaoguilvyouqishiyong。yinwei
，canjiatamentanhuadeyiwutongchangzaini。tamenkenengxiangchurongqia，huganqinqieerwangjileduifangdecunzai，tongshiqueyehushileni。

    詳細展開你要說的東西

    如果輪到你開口了
，不是要你說"好"或"對"或"是的",geidianyouxueyouroudedaan。shuoshuonidekanfa。xiangshunishanggezhoumodezhuangju。xiangxidianshuoshuonigangcaitidaodedianshijiemu。buyaodonglaxiche，zhijieledangdizhuazhunideshuohuajihui。youshidangwofaxianzijibuzhidaoshuoshenmehaole，woyishidaowokeyizaixiangxishuoshuogangcaiwoyijingshuodaoguodesucai。ruguonizhenxinxiangyaolaidianxinqide
，shishikanninengbanikuozhankaidechenshubiaodadeduomeyinrenrusheng。

    構思說話內容時
，不要過度地自我審查

    通tong常chang情qing況kuang下xia，當dang我wo覺jiao得de我wo實shi在zai想xiang不bu出chu有you什shen麼me可ke說shuo，其qi實shi還hai是shi有you很hen多duo潛qian在zai的de話hua題ti從cong我wo腦nao海hai中zhong穿chuan過guo。但dan是shi，我wo並bing未wei開kai口kou

，我wo出chu於yu這zhe樣yang或huo那na樣yang的de原yuan因yin把ba它ta們men扼e殺sha了le
，"不，我不能說這個。它太無聊了。""不行

，那太聳人聽聞。","哦
，說這個我會有點緊張，不知道是為什麼。"這樣自我審查就太苛刻了，還是把你腦子裏一閃而過的想法一吐為快吧。

    不必擔心自己的話語平淡無奇

    我wo曾zeng經jing讀du過guo很hen多duo建jian議yi，它ta們men告gao訴su我wo，不bu要yao拿na味wei如ru雞ji肋lei，陳chen詞ci濫lan調tiao的de話hua題ti來lai讓rang人ren覺jiao得de無wu聊liao。這zhe個ge說shuo法fa滲shen入ru我wo內nei心xin之zhi深shen
，以yi至zhi於yu有you時shi我wo發fa現xian自zi己ji在zai社she交jiao場chang合he形xing同tong癱tan瘓huan。我wo會hui新xin認ren識shi一yi些xie人ren，卻que不bu打da算suan和he他ta們men說shuo點dian什shen麼me。因yin為wei我wo認ren為wei，如ru果guo我wo說shuo了le什shen麼me讓rang他ta們men覺jiao得de毫hao無wu觸chu動dong的de東dong西xi，就jiu是shi巨ju大da的de失shi禮li
，例li如ru，詢xun問wen他ta們men在zai哪na裏li工gong作zuo。

    就在一般意義上說說這件事吧。有
，總是聊勝於無。通常
，愚蠢的問題，如"你喜歡做什麼？",或"最近看過什麼好電影
？"jiunengyinqihuati。henkuainimenjiuhuizhuanertanlunyixiegengyouqudedongxile。yuchundehuatibuhao，queyouquezhibuke
，jiusuanhenwuliao，yeshiyizhongwendingkekaodehoubeifangan。dangrenmenwenyigewoyijingdaleyibaiwancidewenti，woweibibujiaodeyaofafeng
，danshiwoyebuhuiguaizuitamen。zailixiangdeqingkuangxia，nikeyibimianshejiwuliaodehuati，danshiruguonixiangbuchushenmebiedehualai，najiuyongtamenba，yimianlengchang。

    留神並跟上你周圍的談話

    請將這一條放在"基本法則，但我並未時刻遵循"demingmuxia。dangnibawolebierensuoshuodemeijuhuashi，xiangchuyixiekeyishuodehuatongchangjiujiandanduole。zheshijiufangfoyouyixieqietidehuayuzainidenaozilizidongdanchu。zhiqian
，wogengqingxiangyuzoushen，bingzuizhongmishizaiwodenaohaili。ergenshangbierendetanhuayoushiyeyoudianmafan

，rusuoyourentongshizaishuohua，huozhehuanjingshengtaicaoza。zheshirangrenjiaode
，yuqitouruchongfendejinglilaizhuyita，fangqishigengrongyide。ranerwofaxianshizhonggenshangtanhuashizhidede。zheyeshininengxiguandeyidian
，jiusuannikaishijiaodehennan。

    學習大聲地、有生氣地談話的不成文法則

    我在小規模、中zhong規gui中zhong矩ju的de團tuan體ti裏li更geng覺jiao得de自zi在zai。當dang更geng多duo的de人ren加jia入ru進jin來lai，七qi嘴zui八ba舌she地di交jiao談tan，我wo立li刻ke就jiu覺jiao得de難nan以yi插cha嘴zui。可ke能neng有you很hen多duo人ren在zai經jing曆li著zhe同tong樣yang的de事shi情qing。如ru果guo你ni還hai沒mei看kan過guo
，我wo其qi實shi寫xie了le篇pian專zhuan題ti討tao論lun這zhe個ge話hua題ti的de文wen章zhang：怎樣在吵鬧
，瘋狂的集體談話中做得更好。

    控製談話的方向
，如果它偏離了你的軌道

    經jing常chang
，我wo保bao持chi沉chen默mo是shi因yin為wei同tong處chu的de人ren們men正zheng在zai討tao論lun我wo覺jiao得de無wu話hua可ke說shuo的de東dong西xi，這zhe往wang往wang因yin為wei我wo對dui這zhe個ge話hua題ti一yi無wu所suo知zhi。如ru果guo這zhe持chi續xu得de太tai久jiu了le

，我wo就jiu突tu兀wu地di成cheng了le沉chen悶men的de人ren。如ru果guo談tan話hua沒mei在zai你ni的de軌gui道dao上shang，嚐chang試shi引yin導dao和he切qie換huan到dao一yi個ge領ling域yu
，你ni自zi然ran會hui有you更geng多duo的de話hua要yao說shuo。

    更geng一yi般ban地di

，如ru果guo其qi他ta人ren在zai彼bi此ci說shuo話hua，卻que不bu打da算suan把ba你ni包bao括kuo在zai內nei的de時shi候hou，你ni應ying該gai采cai取qu主zhu動dong，努nu力li把ba自zi己ji放fang進jin去qu。並bing沒mei有you規gui定ding說shuo，你ni必bi須xu禮li貌mao地di等deng待dai，直zhi到dao有you人ren來lai點dian你ni的de名ming問wen你ni對dui某mou事shi的de意yi見jian。

    有時
，你就是無話可說了

    zhexiexiaotieshiyizhizaibangzhuwo

，raneryoushiwodedanaorengjiuhuiyipiankongbai。dangniwuhuakeshuo，tawangwangshiyouyuxiuseheyayiganganraoleniziyoudisikao，erbimianzhexieqingganshishuoqilairongyizuoqilainan。niwufaguangkaoluojisikaolaiquantuijiaolvdeqingxu。youshizhezhonghaixiudeganjiaoshilinshide，nikeyiqusantamen。zaiqitashihou，nixiusewuyutongxiaodadan，erjitijiaoyouzhuanshunjishi。

    其他常見的解釋是：你確確實實拿不出能為談話作出貢獻的東西（例如，大家夥在談論他們所共有的老朋友）,而er這zhe時shi試shi圖tu突tu然ran岔cha開kai話hua題ti又you是shi不bu合he適shi的de。可ke是shi在zai這zhe種zhong情qing況kuang下xia，每mei一yi個ge人ren至zhi少shao都dou明ming白bai，不bu能neng期qi望wang你ni有you太tai多duo話hua可ke說shuo。所suo以yi
，一yi旦dan話hua題ti變bian化hua
，就jiu試shi著zhe說shuo些xie什shen麼me吧ba。

    如果你被人看作沉默的人，下次做好些就行

    麵mian對dui一yi群qun新xin認ren識shi的de人ren顯xian得de被bei綁bang住zhu了le舌she頭tou
，這zhe樣yang的de事shi並bing不bu少shao見jian。如ru果guo你ni下xia次ci做zuo得de更geng好hao些xie，那na麼me人ren們men通tong常chang會hui忘wang記ji對dui你ni的de第di一yi印yin象xiang。他ta們men會hui知zhi道dao你ni不bu是shi一yi個ge勢shi利li小xiao人ren

，你ni也ye不bu是shi索suo然ran無wu味wei之zhi輩bei，事shi實shi上shang，身shen邊bian的de你ni真zhen的de是shi很hen有you趣qu的de一yi個ge人ren。