The New Year, Chinese or otherwise, has now passed. The parties, and any hangovers, are long gone. Unfortunately, for many of you, your New Year’s resolutions are only memories. The gym bag sits forlorn in the corner, the bean sprouts wilt in your fridge. Your intentions were good, I know. You resolved to get into a new exercising habit, eat better, spend more time at work, spend more time with the family, or volunteer for a local charity. Or maybe all of the above (Yikes!)

To those of you who are sticking to your New Year’s resolutions I say CONGRATULATIONS! Don’t be too smug. For those of you who have not, I say CONGRATULATIONS!

Why would I congratulate people who haven’t stuck to their resolutions? Simple. They MADE resolutions. Deciding to change yourself, really committing to be a better person in some way, is not a decision arrived at easily. The fact that you decided to change yourself means that you’ve taken stock of yourself. You’ve reflected. You haven’t let the powerful forces of rationalization prevent you from committing to self-change.

“But,” you say, “I failed. That’s terrible isn’t it? It’s so depressing. Why even bother trying if it’s so hard?”

I have news for you: You are not perfect. You are not all-powerful. Self-change is hard, so it’s not terribly surprising that you didn’t get it right the first try. So, stop feeling so bad. It’s like when someone gets thrown from a horse. What do the horsie-types say? You’re supposed to get up, brush the dust off, and get back on that horse! That’s what you need to do right now.

Follow these steps:

1. Tell yourself, “It’s okay.I failed, but there’s nothing new in that.” Think of all of the other times you’ve failed. Re-read Leo’s post on how great failure can be [link to that post]. Don’t let the powers of rationalization take you further, though. Don’t give into the thought: “It’s okay. I don’t need to be better. It wasn’t all that important anyway.” Ask yourself this: If changing yourself wasn’t so important, then why did you decide to do it in the first place?

2. Congratulate yourself for wanting to be better.As a social psychologist, I know how extremely easy it is for people to excuse themselves their shortcomings. Your decision to be better takes moral courage.

3. Figure out what went wrong.Were you too ambitious? Was your plan too vague?

4. Form a plan that is informed by your failure.If you didn’t get to the gym because you slept in, plan to go to bed earlier. If you ate the wrong foods because you found preparing healthy food too time-consuming, find ways to make it less time consuming. If you stayed too late at work (again and again), schedule events with the family earlier in the evening.

5. Get going!

新xin年nian
，春chun節jie或huo者zhe其qi他ta什shen麼me以yi年nian度du來lai衡heng量liang的de節jie日ri都dou已yi經jing過guo去qu了le。聚ju會hui，宿xiu醉zui也ye早zao已yi經jing煙yan消xiao雲yun散san。但dan不bu幸xing的de是shi，對dui於yu大da多duo數shu人ren來lai講jiang
，為wei新xin的de一yi年nian而er作zuo的de計ji劃hua也ye已yi經jing成cheng為wei記ji憶yi裏li的de過guo去qu式shi了le。運yun動dong服fu還hai整zheng齊qi放fang在zai衣yi櫃gui的de角jiao落luo裏li，減jian肥fei餐can也ye冰bing冷leng的de陳chen列lie在zai冰bing箱xiang裏li。你ni的de願yuan望wang是shi美mei好hao的de，我wo能neng理li解jie。你ni希xi望wang在zai新xin的de一yi年nian你ni培pei養yang自zi己ji運yun動dong的de習xi慣guan，開kai始shi健jian康kang的de飲yin食shi，更geng努nu力li的de工gong作zuo，跟gen家jia人ren分fen享xiang更geng多duo的de時shi間jian
，或huo者zhe參can加jia慈ci善shan義yi工gong。或huo者zhe甚shen至zhi你ni想xiang做zuo上shang麵mian說shuo的de所suo有you事shi情qing。

對你們中那些在新年裏堅持按照你們的計劃行動的人，我要祝賀你“你做到了！”。但千萬不要太沾沾自喜。同樣對於你們中那些沒有做到的
，我也要祝賀你們！

為(wei)什(shen)麼(me)我(wo)要(yao)祝(zhu)賀(he)那(na)些(xie)沒(mei)有(you)實(shi)踐(jian)自(zi)己(ji)計(ji)劃(hua)的(de)人(ren)？原(yuan)因(yin)很(hen)簡(jian)單(dan)。他(ta)們(men)已(yi)經(jing)開(kai)始(shi)計(ji)劃(hua)了(le)。已(yi)經(jing)決(jue)定(ding)作(zuo)出(chu)改(gai)變(bian)，已(yi)經(jing)為(wei)了(le)讓(rang)自(zi)己(ji)在(zai)某(mou)方(fang)麵(mian)做(zuo)的(de)更(geng)好(hao)而(er)自(zi)我(wo)承(cheng)諾(nuo)了(le)，這(zhe)不(bu) 是一個 henrongyijiunengxiadingdejuexin。shishishangdangnijuedingzuochugaibiandeshihoujiuzhengmingniyijingjianshiguoziji。yijingziwofanshengle。nimeiyourangnazhongziwoanweideliliangquzuzhinigaibianziji。

但也許你會說，“我失敗了，這很糟糕對麼？這個結果非常令人沮喪。如果這個過程這麼痛苦為什麼我還要費力去嚐試
？”

有些事情我想讓你知道：人(ren)是(shi)不(bu)完(wan)美(mei)的(de)。你(ni)不(bu)是(shi)全(quan)能(neng)的(de)。自(zi)我(wo)改(gai)變(bian)是(shi)個(ge)很(hen)艱(jian)難(nan)的(de)過(guo)程(cheng)，所(suo)以(yi)初(chu)次(ci)嚐(chang)試(shi)的(de)失(shi)敗(bai)結(jie)果(guo)並(bing)不(bu)出(chu)人(ren)意(yi)料(liao)。所(suo)以(yi)，不(bu)要(yao)再(zai)雪(xue)上(shang)加(jia)霜(shuang)讓(rang)自(zi)己(ji)感(gan)覺(jiao)更(geng)糟(zao)糕(gao)。就(jiu)像(xiang)一(yi)個(ge)人(ren)從(cong)馬(ma)背(bei)上(shang)被(bei)甩(shuai)下(xia)來(lai)一(yi)樣(yang)，如(ru)果(guo)是(shi)個(ge)堅(jian)強(qiang)的(de)騎(qi)手(shou)會(hui)怎(zen)麼(me)做(zuo)
？他(ta)會(hui)站(zhan)起(qi)身(shen)來(lai)，撣(dan)撣(dan)灰(hui)塵(chen)

，然(ran)後(hou)重(zhong)新(xin)騎(qi)上(shang)馬(ma)背(bei)！你現在也需要做同樣的事情。

按照下麵的方法：

1.告訴你自己“沒什麼。我失敗了，但這很正常。” 想想以前你失敗的經驗。不要讓那種自我安慰的力量影響你。不要想著：“那沒什麼
，我不需要這樣折磨自己。這樣的改變也沒什麼大不了的。”應該問自己：如果自己的計劃沒有那麼重要，那為什麼一開始的時候還要下定決心做這件事情？

2.weizijixiangyaogaibiandeyuanwangergaoxing。zuoweiyigeshehuixinlixuezhe，wozhidaorenmenweizijidequediankaituoshiyijianduomerongyideshiqing。xiangyaorangzijibiandegenghaobenshenjiuxuyaojidadeyongqi。

3.了解到底是哪裏出了問題.有沒有做不切實際的計劃
？還是計劃的細節太模糊籠統了？

4.從cong失shi敗bai的de基ji礎chu上shang修xiu改gai你ni的de計ji劃hua。如ru果guo因yin為wei睡shui懶lan覺jiao而er耽dan誤wu了le去qu健jian身shen房fang，那na就jiu在zai新xin計ji劃hua裏li讓rang自zi己ji早zao睡shui一yi會hui兒er。如ru果guo覺jiao得de阻zu止zhi你ni的de健jian康kang飲yin食shi計ji劃hua是shi因yin為wei需xu要yao太tai多duo時shi間jian準zhun備bei食shi物wu，那na就jiu想xiang辦ban法fa縮suo短duan準zhun備bei的de時shi間jian。如ru果guo總zong是shi工gong作zuo到dao很hen晚wan
，那na就jiu把ba和he家jia人ren的de聚ju會hui放fang在zai一yi個ge稍shao早zao的de時shi間jian裏li。

5.繼續前進！