A couple of months ago, I asked you not to fear failure, saying that embracing failure — or at least the possibility of failure — was essential to success. But, of course, in the end the goal is to succeed, and fear of failing isn’t the only thing that keeps us from succeeding.

I speak from experience here. Six or seven years ago, I was the picture of success — a straight-A graduate student, top of my class, a job I loved, a relationship that I was happy in, the whole enchilada. And then, those successes started slipping away. Nothing obvious at first, but gradually I found myself stuck in a rut academically, my relationship dissolved, things just weren’t going my way. I wasn’t failing, per se, just losing my grip on the successes I had won.

In the last couple of years, I’ve been reassessing some aspects of my life, trying to figure out what had happened so I could rebuild. To some extent this has worked well — I have a job I love (although I need to develop it into a career, not just a job), I have a book coming out in my academic field, I’m writing quite a bit, and most importantly I have a new relationship that is going strong. To get here, I’ve had to figure out what I was doing wrong in the years in between, where I had lost my footing, and I think I’ve figured out a thing or two in doing so.

If you’re not reaching the kind of success you imagine in the areas that area important to you, one or more of the following things might well be true of you, too:

1. You don’t have a goal. A lot of time we find ourselves “spinning our wheels”, struggling through a day-to-day routine that isn’t getting us anywhere because we don’t know where we want to go. Sometimes we had goals when we set ourselves on a particular path, but we’ve changed along the way and those goals are no longer that important. Sometimes we simply did what was expected of us without ever stopping to think about what we eventually wanted to accomplish for ourselves. Whatever the case, figuring out what your goals are and, just as importantly, whether your current actions are helping to achieve them, is important.

2. You don’t have a vision. Setting goals is important but isn’t enough to drive you to the finish line; it’s important, too, to be able to imagine yourself as the achiever of your goals. How will you feel, what’s the payoff, why is it worthwhile to follow these goals and not some other ones? If goals are the end result of a journey, your vision is the fuel to get you there.

3. You don’t have a plan. If goals are your destination and a vision is your fuel, your plan is the map to get you there; without a plan, you have no idea what immediate steps to take to achieve your goals. Planning means taking stock of the resources you have, the resources you need, and the steps you have to take to put those resources into action. The world is full of people with goals they have never accomplished because they didn’t have a plan — don’t you be one of them.

4. You’re too certain. Too much certainty creates inflexibility. If you’re sure that your plan is correct, and refuse to accept the possibility of error, you may well find yourself stuck when an unexpected change comes about, or when your plan takes you in an unexpected direction. However strong your plan and however sure you are of your goals, make room for periodic reassessment.

5. You’re not certain enough. At the same time, too little certainty will paralyze you. If you refuse to take a step because you aren’t positive it will move you towards success, you won’t make any better progress than if you had no goals at all. Keep your eyes open and be willing to change, but have faith in yourself, too.

6. You don’t learn from your mistakes. A lot of people take their mistakes as signs of their unworthiness. They take setbacks as proof that they were never meant to achieve anything in the first place, and that they were stupid to even try. Mistakes are crucial to success — if we take the time to analyze them and learn from them. Even when they bar us irrevocably from attaining a goal, the lessons we learn from our mistakes help us to make new and better goals.

7. You reject outside influences. A lot of people see the influence of others as a weakness, or worse, a restriction or even “pollution” of their innate creativity. This is, in a word, hogwash. We are first and foremost social beings, none of whom has ever accomplished anything without the help of others. Welcome and accept other perspectives on your strengths and weaknesses, your successes and failures. Accept help graciously when it’s offered. This doesn’t mean you should take every piece of advice offered you, but you should listen seriously and openly and weigh carefully the input of others. And learn from their mistakes, when you can.

8. You worry about being copied. Often we close ourselves off from other people not because we’re afraid that they will influence us but that we will influence them, that our brilliant ideas will be taken up by someone else and no longer be solely ours. So we avoid sharing our passions, and spend our energy jealously guarding our “secret” rather than simply moving forward. In the end, we turn our passions into burdens that become difficult to carry instead of a joy.

9. You use up your reserves. When I’ve found myself at my lowest points, it’s always been for lack of a reserve — whether of money, of time, or most crucially of energy. In part this was the fault of inadequate planning and over-certainty — I should have reassessed my situation more realistically before exhausting my resources — but whatever the cause, it’s a dangerous place to be. A mistake that could be easily recovered from under normal circumstances becomes overwhelming when you’re too broke or too exhausted to respond adequately. Keep track of where you are financially, materially, and emotionally before you find yourself too worn down to continue.

10. You fear success. Forget fear of failure, it’s fear of success that kicks us the hardest. It’s the darnedest thing, too — the kind of thing that you don’t imagine possible, until one day you realize that you really don’t know what to do with yourself if you ever accomplish your goals. On the other side of success is the unknown, and believe it or not, the unknown is often scarier than the known world of struggle and unfulfillment this side of success. When I realized this, one night as I drifted unhappily to sleep, it jerked me straight up in my bed!

My father, an avid collector of seemingly random quotes, is fond of saying that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. (I’ve never had the heart to ask him why he keeps saying this….) At some point, you have to stop doing whatever you’re doing and figure out why you’re doing it, especially if it doesn’t seem to be getting you where you want to be. When you do, I think you’ll find that at least one of the above applies to you. Whatever your reasons, though, the important thing is to realize that it’s in your nature neither to be a failure, nor to be a success, that success is something we make rather than something that happens to us — and when you realize that, you can start to make the changes that move you from “insanity” to success.

幾個月前
，我讓你《不要害怕失敗》，告訴你要擁抱失敗——或者至少擁抱失敗的可能性——對成功來說
，這是必要的。但是
，當然了，我們最終的目標是要取得成功，而害怕失敗也不是阻止我們成功的唯一障礙。

現在我來說說自己的經曆。大概六七年前，我是很成功的——我是全優畢業生，班裏的第一名
，有一份自己喜歡的工作

，有一段令人愉悅的愛情，就是一整個安琪拉達（意指很幸福）。ranhou，qingkuangkaishixiahua。zuichuyiqiebingbumingxian，danwojianjianfaxianzijizaixueshushangtingzhibuqian
，wodeqinmiguanxipolie，suoyoudeshiqingdoubuyouwozhangkong。jiuqibensheneryan，wobingbushishibai，zhishizaiyiyongyoudechenggongshangshiqulezhangkongquan。

此後的幾年
，我一直在反思自己生活的方方麵麵，試著找出哪裏出了問題，好讓自己能重新來過。從某種程度上來說
，它很有效——我擁有一份自己喜歡的工作（雖然我得把它發展成為一個職業，而不僅僅是一份工作），wojijiangchubanyibenzijixueshulingyudeshu
，yijingxielebushaole，zuizhongyaodeshiwoyouleyifenquxiangwendingdeganqing。shuodaozhe
，wodezhichuzijizainaliangduanshijianzhongzuocuodeshi，nashiwoshiqulechenggongdiwei，woxiangwoyijingtidaoguoleqizhongdeyijianle。

如果你還沒有在你認為重要的領域中取得成功
，那麼你至少符合下麵的一種情況：

*你沒有一個目標。很多時候，我們發現自己“轉動輪子”，zhongriheshijiansaipao，quemeiyouqudaorenhedifang，zheshiyinweiwomenbuzhidaozijixiangquna。youshihou
，womenyijingzaiqianjindedaolushangshelilezijidemubiao
，danyidanwomengaibianlezijidefangxiang，naxiemubiaojiubuzaizhongyaole。youshihou
，womenzhishijiandandiquzuonaxiezirenweikewangdeshi，quemeiyoutingxialaikaolvzijizhenzhengxiangyaodeshishenme。bulunzainazhongqingkuangxia，yebulunnixianzaidexingdongduishixianmubiaoshifouqizuoyong，zhichunidemubiaoshihenzhongyaode。

*你(ni)沒(mei)有(you)一(yi)個(ge)遠(yuan)景(jing)。設(she)定(ding)目(mu)標(biao)是(shi)很(hen)重(zhong)要(yao)，但(dan)這(zhe)還(hai)不(bu)足(zu)以(yi)使(shi)你(ni)去(qu)達(da)到(dao)它(ta)。設(she)想(xiang)你(ni)已(yi)經(jing)在(zai)目(mu)標(biao)上(shang)取(qu)得(de)成(cheng)功(gong)同(tong)樣(yang)重(zhong)要(yao)。你(ni)的(de)感(gan)覺(jiao)怎(zen)麼(me)樣(yang)
？回(hui)報(bao)是(shi)什(shen)麼(me)？為(wei)什(shen)麼(me)值(zhi)得(de)跟(gen)隨(sui)這(zhe)些(xie)目(mu)標(biao)而(er)不(bu)是(shi)其(qi)它(ta)的(de)？如(ru)果(guo)目(mu)標(biao)是(shi)一(yi)場(chang)旅(lv)行(xing)的(de)最(zui)終(zhong)結(jie)果(guo)
，你(ni)的(de)遠(yuan)景(jing)就(jiu)是(shi)讓(rang)你(ni)達(da)到(dao)那(na)的(de)燃(ran)料(liao)。

*nimeiyouyigejihua。ruguomubiaoshinidezhongdian

，yuanjingshinideranliao
，nidejihuajiushirangnidaonadeditu。meiyoujihua，nijiubuzhidaoyanxiayaozuoshenmequdadaonidemubiao。jihuayiweizhechucunnisuoyongyoudehesuoxuyaodeziyuan，yijinaxiebazhexieziyuanzhuanhuaweixingdongdebuzhou。zhegeshishangyoutaiduoyoumubiaoquecongweishixianderen，shiyinweitamenbuzengyouyigejihua——別讓你自己成為他們中的一員。

*你(ni)太(tai)固(gu)執(zhi)。太(tai)多(duo)的(de)肯(ken)定(ding)會(hui)造(zao)成(cheng)僵(jiang)化(hua)。如(ru)果(guo)你(ni)肯(ken)定(ding)你(ni)的(de)計(ji)劃(hua)是(shi)正(zheng)確(que)的(de)，並(bing)且(qie)拒(ju)絕(jue)接(jie)受(shou)錯(cuo)誤(wu)的(de)可(ke)能(neng)性(xing)，當(dang)預(yu)期(qi)以(yi)外(wai)的(de)情(qing)況(kuang)發(fa)生(sheng)時(shi)，或(huo)當(dang)你(ni)的(de)計(ji)劃(hua)把(ba)你(ni)帶(dai)到(dao)一(yi)個(ge)你(ni)不(bu)期(qi)望(wang)的(de)方(fang)向(xiang)時(shi)，你(ni)會(hui)發(fa)現(xian)自(zi)己(ji)陷(xian)入(ru)了(le)困(kun)境(jing)。不(bu)論(lun)你(ni)的(de)計(ji)劃(hua)多(duo)麼(me)強(qiang)，也(ye)不(bu)論(lun)你(ni)對(dui)自(zi)己(ji)的(de)目(mu)標(biao)有(you)多(duo)肯(ken)定(ding)
，都(dou)要(yao)為(wei)重(zhong)新(xin)考(kao)慮(lv)預(yu)留(liu)餘(yu)地(di)。

*你ni不bu夠gou肯ken定ding。同tong樣yang的de
，太tai少shao肯ken定ding會hui讓rang你ni氣qi餒nei。如ru果guo你ni因yin為wei不bu確que定ding是shi否fou能neng成cheng功gong就jiu拒ju絕jue向xiang前qian邁mai一yi步bu，那na你ni就jiu不bu會hui比bi完wan全quan沒mei有you目mu標biao更geng有you進jin展zhan。保bao持chi你ni的de雙shuang眼yan睜zheng開kai，並bing且qie願yuan意yi改gai變bian，但dan同tong時shi也ye要yao對dui自zi己ji有you信xin心xin。

*nimeiyoucongcuowuzhongxiqujiaoxun。xuduorendourenweicuowushihaowujiazhidejixiang。tamenyongcuozhezhengmingzijiyikaishijiubudasuanqudechenggong，tongshiyezhengmingtamenyuchundaoyaoquchangshi。cuowushichenggongdeguanjian——如ru果guo我wo們men花hua些xie時shi間jian去qu分fen析xi它ta們men並bing從cong中zhong學xue習xi的de話hua。即ji便bian當dang錯cuo誤wu不bu可ke避bi免mian地di禁jin止zhi我wo們men達da到dao目mu標biao，我wo們men從cong錯cuo誤wu中zhong吸xi取qu的de教jiao訓xun也ye能neng幫bang助zhu我wo們men設she定ding一yi個ge新xin的de更geng好hao的de目mu標biao。

*你拒絕外部的影響。許多人把其他人的影響看作是一個弱點

，一種錯誤，一種限製
，甚至是一種對他們與生具來的創造力的一種“汙染”。總(zong)之(zhi)就(jiu)是(shi)一(yi)派(pai)胡(hu)言(yan)。我(wo)們(men)首(shou)先(xian)是(shi)社(she)會(hui)人(ren)

，沒(mei)有(you)一(yi)個(ge)人(ren)可(ke)以(yi)完(wan)全(quan)不(bu)要(yao)他(ta)人(ren)的(de)幫(bang)助(zhu)就(jiu)能(neng)獲(huo)得(de)成(cheng)功(gong)。歡(huan)迎(ying)並(bing)接(jie)受(shou)他(ta)人(ren)對(dui)你(ni)優(you)缺(que)點(dian)和(he)成(cheng)功(gong)失(shi)敗(bai)的(de)評(ping)述(shu)。優(you)雅(ya)地(di)接(jie)受(shou)他(ta)人(ren)的(de)幫(bang)助(zhu)。這(zhe)並(bing)不(bu)代(dai)表(biao)你(ni)要(yao)接(jie)受(shou)所(suo)有(you)的(de)建(jian)議(yi)，但(dan)是(shi)你(ni)要(yao)認(ren)真(zhen)而(er)公(gong)開(kai)地(di)傾(qing)聽(ting)，並(bing)仔(zai)細(xi)斟(zhen)酌(zhuo)。可(ke)以(yi)的(de)話(hua)，從(cong)他(ta)人(ren)的(de)錯(cuo)誤(wu)中(zhong)學(xue)習(xi)。

*你ni擔dan心xin被bei複fu製zhi。經jing常chang
，我wo們men會hui讓rang自zi己ji和he他ta人ren保bao持chi距ju離li，並bing不bu是shi因yin為wei擔dan心xin他ta人ren會hui影ying響xiang自zi己ji，而er是shi擔dan心xin自zi己ji會hui影ying響xiang他ta人ren。我wo們men害hai怕pa自zi己ji出chu色se的de點dian子zi被bei他ta人ren占zhan有you，不bu再zai僅jin僅jin屬shu於yu我wo們men。因yin此ci，我wo們men避bi免mian分fen享xiang自zi己ji的de激ji情qing，並bing且qie花hua精jing力li謹jin慎shen地di保bao守shou我wo們men的de“秘密”，而不是簡單地往前走。最後，我們把自己的激情變成一種很難被歡樂所代替的負擔。

*你耗盡了儲備。當我發現自己處在最低穀時，這總表示缺乏儲備——無論是金錢還是時間，或者是最關鍵的能源。在某種程度上來說
，這是計劃不足和過度肯定的後果。——在耗盡我的儲備以前
，我要對現狀重新做一次更實際的評估。——無wu論lun如ru何he，這zhe都dou是shi危wei險xian的de情qing況kuang。一yi個ge在zai正zheng常chang情qing況kuang下xia可ke以yi很hen容rong易yi被bei糾jiu正zheng的de錯cuo誤wu會hui在zai你ni精jing疲pi力li盡jin不bu能neng對dui它ta作zuo出chu適shi當dang反fan應ying的de時shi候hou變bian得de勢shi不bu可ke擋dang。在zai你ni覺jiao得de情qing況kuang太tai壞huai而er不bu能neng繼ji續xu以yi前qian
，要yao在zai財cai務wu上shang、物質上和情感上保持跟蹤。

*nihaipachenggong。wangjiduishibaidekongjuzhihou，duichenggongdekongjuzuishiwomenshoushang。zheyeshijianzuikehendeshi。nibutaikenenghuixiangdaozheleishi，zhidaoyouyitian
，nizhenzhengyishidao，ruguonidadaolesuoyoushelidemubiao
，nijiangwushikezuo。chenggongdelingyimianshiweizhi，buguannixiangxinyufou，weizhidoubixianshishijiezhongdedouzhengheweidadaochenggonggengkepa。yitianwanshang，dangwobukaixindijianjianrushuishi，yixiangdaozhexie
，wojiumengdicongchuangshangzuoleqilai！

我的父親，喜歡收集一些看似隨機的格言。他喜歡說的一句話就是
，瘋狂就是總是重複相同的事卻期望有不同的結果。（我從沒有用心問過他為什麼老是這麼說……）某mou個ge時shi候hou，你ni得de停ting下xia任ren何he你ni在zai做zuo的de事shi，想xiang一yi想xiang你ni為wei什shen麼me要yao這zhe樣yang做zuo，特te別bie是shi在zai你ni做zuo的de事shi並bing沒mei有you讓rang你ni達da到dao目mu標biao的de時shi候hou。一yi旦dan你ni這zhe樣yang做zuo了le，我wo想xiang你ni將jiang會hui找zhao出chu至zhi少shao一yi條tiao上shang麵mian說shuo的de情qing況kuang與yu你ni相xiang符fu。不bu論lun你ni的de理li由you是shi什shen麼me，最zui重zhong要yao的de是shi你ni要yao明ming白bai，你ni的de本ben質zhi並bing不bu是shi要yao成cheng為wei一yi個ge失shi敗bai者zhe或huo成cheng功gong者zhe，成cheng功gong是shi要yao爭zheng取qu的de，它ta不bu會hui自zi動dong發fa生sheng在zai我wo們men身shen上shang。一yi旦dan你ni意yi識shi到dao這zhe些xie，你ni就jiu能neng開kai始shi做zuo出chu改gai變bian，這zhe將jiang會hui促cu使shi你ni從cong“愚蠢”走向成功。